The Six Million Dollar Man

I thought that it was already high time for me to write a few verses about my new home, Lisbon. After all, I've already been here for more than a month! And on top of that, I had a very pleasant day of sunbathing today.

There's one excellent reason why you just have to love this place: it simply never rains, nor is it even cloudy, and we've already had plenty of at-least-twenty-degrees-celsius-days during this past month. And today was one of those hot early March Lisbon days with a scorching (I'm a Finn) outside temperature. We went with LP to a nearby 'miradouro', a sightseeing terrace/plaza, from which you could see the whole city. Not that I was really paying any attention to the city, that is! I was SUNBATHING. And as anyone with any brain knows, the only real way to do sunbathing is to... Well, to do nothing else. You just bask in the sun, and love the world.

But as anyone with any brain knows, I'm not too bright. And that's why I was reading a cell biology book. But you know what?!? I loved it. It was a sin to be sure but I loved every second of it. Of course, at times it was a bit hard to keep concentrating on my book with all the godly female figures around (LP), all the dogs racing around the park, and the occasional gust of wind turning the pages of my book. (Thanks to my brother MS, for loaning me the book!) Still, I was able to make some progress. There's just one thing I have to be frank with you about: that cell biology stuff sure is complex. I mean, really frustratingly complicated. It's all 'this enzyme phophorylates this one, and then when a protein is improperly folded and sent for degradation to a lysosome a baby unicorn comes and sneezes'! You see? I think I almost got it, but I guess even I have to work at it some more... Some more.

The city itself has been nice, too. And I really mean 'nice', not fantastic or fabulous or anything else of such an immense magnitude. Thus far it hasn't been a mind-blowing experience for me to walk the streets, but I have this feeling that the city might grow on me eventually. But let's face it: it's not like I'd have the optimal circumstances to get all infatuated with Lisbon. After all, I don't know the language nor do I have any attachments of my own to the city. I mean, I don't study or work or anything. Still, I think I just might love this place after a month or two. And what's more, I already prefer Lisbon to Madrid. My apologies to all Madrid lovers, that's just the way it is.

For me, it is kind of exciting to compare the two cities, actually. First, here in Lisbon most of the buildings (and people, too) are in less-than-perfect shape (outfits), whereas in Madrid everything seemed to be tip-top, always. Furthermore, here in Lisbon you can find a café (or two) around every corner, whereas in Madrid... Well, you'd find a tavern. And finally, here in Lisbon it is customary to go to those cafés for a quick lunch (an espresso-type strong shot of coffee with a sweet pastry of some sort is a usual choice), whereas in Madrid it is customary to go for a quick lunch to one of those many taverns (the usual choise might be something like a glass of beer and some bread with serrano ham and cheese).

So, to sum up:

• People in Lisbon tend to eat sweet pastrys, drink lots of coffee, and walk around looking like piles of rags.
• People in Madrid tend to walk around looking all neat and tidy, drink beer, and eat ridiculous amounts of ham (read: atherosclerosis)

So there you have it: I have these two cities all figured out already. Wow, I'm so... perceptive.

By the way, today is the International Women's Day! So, this is for all of you pretty ladies who are eagerly reading all of my blog updates! Here goes:


Feel free to make any assumptions based on this clip about my feelings toward unindependent women. *chuckles*

Things are quite different now compared to what was going on when I last posted something here on my blog. No wonder really since it has been a while already. Let's try to catch up with all the stuff that has been happening to me lately. This sure is going to be a lengthy post, but bear with me, ok? Sadly, not all of it is going to be pretty...

My last post (A Day to Remember) was about me getting engaged in November 2011. After my trip to Portugal, where I proposed to LP, I again had to focus on my studies at UC3M. Or, I SHOULD have focused on my studies. Instead... I dunno really..? Something just happened. To tell you the truth, something had been happening even before that. I mean, I've considered myself the type of guy who gets things done. (No laughing, please!) Still, during my time in Spain I was kind of... numb? It was hard for me to get ANYTHING done. (see My Spanish Buddy and a Weird Weekend... for more 'details') And where did that lead me to? I'll tell you where. Nowhere. Here's a sort of a list you should take a look at:

1. I had to drop out from one of my UC3M courses (Biomechanics) because I lacked any interest in the subject and was unable to force myself to study it.
2. I spent all of my time in my beautiful prison cell (a.k.a. my apartment) in Leganés, totally separated from the rest of the world.
3. There were lots of days during which I spoke to NOBODY. And then, there were at least as many days during which I spoke only to LP on Skype.

[EDIT: I think I should still point out a few things in my own defence. First of all, I lived alone in Leganés, a place where no students live because it's so boring. Furthermore, there were very few exchange students studying at the Leganés campus of UC3M. Why is that a problem? I studied in English anyway, right? That wouldn't have been a problem if the Spanish students would have been more willing to talk to me in English. But the truth is that most Spaniards, even the ones who speak English, prefer to stick to their native tongue. I can't really blame them, can I? I mean, to me it seems like a very natural code of conduct. Do that which is easiest. And it's all fine, except when it comes to lonely exchange students. Aha! I hear a voice in the crowd yelling 'Why didn't you go to one of the ERASMUS language courses at your university, jackass?!?' Well, the reason is that all the courses were taught at a different campus. I wouldn't have been able to study my engineering things if I had taken a Spanish course at UC3M. On top of that, well... They don't even give you credits for those courses at UC3M. So, there you have it: no language courses for me.]

I guess it's not hard to understand that when the holidays were starting to close up and it was time to visit my friends and family in Finland I was more than happy to leave Leganés...

Luckily my stay in Finland was filled with laughter and joy, so to speak. No wonder, since my family and friends are all awesome. But, on the 5th of January it was time once more to take a plane to Spain. This time I wasn't leaving alone, though. LP came to Madrid with me! She didn't have to go back to Lisbon before February, so she was able to spend most of January with me in Spain. Thank you, love! It really was an amazing month. We had so much time just for the two of us that we almost ran out of things to see in Madrid! On top of that, we also visited the astonishing city of Barcelona. Despite the terrible (read 'freezing cold') accommodation the trip was fantastic. But, back to businness. Let's focus on my studies for a second.

My spring semester started with a bunch of tests. You know what? I failed one of them. I've NEVER failed one single test in my whole life (except for one geography quiz on 8th grade). And to make it even worse, the course was on basic university-level chemistry. Can you believe it? I sure as hell still can't. But there's no denying it 'cause that's what really happened. Well, at least I got something done although 12 ECTS credits is not a score to be cheerful about. (The goal for a single semester is around 30 credits.) To look at the bright side of it all, I got sort-of-ok grades from the two courses that I passed. And on top of that, I scored around 95% from my two oral biochemistry presentations. (Actually, what that really means is that I was one of the few people in our group to speak proper English. Sorry guys, but let's face it: it's true.)

And then what? Well, here comes the big news. I quit. I left Madrid. Totally, utterly. And where am I now? Ha! You guessed it:

I'm in Lisbon!

I won't go now into details about all the administrative mess I still have to sort out. Instead, I could tell you about my general 'plans' for this spring:

1. I'll stay in Lisbon until the 19th of May. (I already have my flight booked.)
2. During my time here I'm going to study biochemistry-related topics for work. I'll continue working at Micronova on the 21st of May, more or less.
3. I'm going to be in pro-athlete shape by the time I come back to Finland. (We bought gym cards for the whole spring.) You know, I was kind of startled by the fact that my body fat percentage was very close to the ideal 15% for guys. It was actually 15.3%. So, the only thing left for me to do to look PERFECT is to generate muscles. And I mean it literally. I can't just 'grow' them. I truly have to generate new muscles, from scratch.

And how has my life been here in Lisbon so far? Not bad. I mean, I've met a lot of people, I live in the same apartment with LP (and four other people), and I've already been robbed. So, it's all good.

So, I guess that's it. Now that I got this 'post gap' covered with this scribble I can finally continue posting on a more or less regular basis. Until later then, suckers!

I guess this was to be expected and had to happen sooner or later: I've spent the whole weekend alone, at home. And when I say 'alone' I truly mean it. I haven't actually seen anyone. (Skyping with LP doesn't count...) But you know what? I loved it! I actually got some studying done, for example. I even started practicing my drumming again! Bringing a pair of drum sticks (which I got from my teacher, TS. Thanks, btw...) and my practice pad to Spain was a fabulous idea! You should hear me playing 'Connecticut Halftime'. I simply rock. (I do love myself, don't I?)

But, anyways... That's enough about my weekend. There wasn't all that much to tell, was there? But, there was actually still something else that I wanted to share with the rest of the world. And that something is called Marta. (Are you ok with me writing your name here? If not, just punch me or something.) The short version of the story would of course be something like this: Thanks, Marta. You're the best 'buddy' ever!

And then the rest of the story, starting with some brain acrobatics:

Exercise 1: If we presume that the two statements given below are true, what is the most obvious logical outcome deducible from these statements?

1. 'Jope is one lazy bastard.'
2. 'Jope doesn't speak Spanish.' (Ok this isn't EXACTLY true, I know. Still, I suck more or less.)

Answer:

1 & 2 => 'Jope ends up in a situation in which he needs to print at the campus but doesn't know how to do it.' AND 'Jope needs to buy a sort-of-a-student-card-thingie but doesn't know how to do it.'

(The path to this answer is omitted because of its obviousness and simplicity. You just have to take 1, divide it by Jope's IQ and divide 0 by the result. The result which is completely undefined can then be combined with toothpaste to yield the result given above.)

Umm... Sorry about that. I haven't eaten much today since it's Sunday and I have nothing in the fridge. That wouldn't be a problem in Finland but here in Spain it really is one. There's not a single shop open around here!

So, the thing is that Marta, in all her awesomeness, agreed to help me with the two aswers of exercise 1. Against all odds, all went actually quite smoothly. It only took us some two hours to overcome these two enormous obstacles that have been blocking my UC3M path. Wow, way to go Marta!

.
.
.

'Oh, well... Back to cleaning, I guesses!' said Caspenar the Imp.

'Hello everyone! I bid you welcome to our studio, folks! It's, once again, time for the next episode of our ever-so-fantastic 'Jope has been to this place but you haven't TV show! So, without further ado, let's begin our quick photo tour!'

'Here you can see a... church: simple and elegant. (It's on sale on eBay for a mere 120 000 000 euros!)'

'As you enter the city itself, you notice a gargantuan structure rising before you. What you see is a Roman aqueduct, no less.'

'Here, in this photo we have the Main Square of Segovia. You can see the Cathedral, too.'

'A view inside the cathedral main hall.'

'This is a nice pic, ain't it? It's taken in an inner courtyard of the cathedral. '

'One of the altars in the cathedral. And yes, I do mean ONE OF, literally...'

'... and here's a monument of some sort?'

'Ah, the Alcázar.'

'The fortress really is a place with excellent views around Segovia.'

'Here's another example. (You can buy this photo as a postcard in every shop in Segovia.)'

'If you step outside the city walls, you can find some spectacular scenery, such as this.'

'An inner courtyard of a monastery. Might be chilly during the winter, right?'

'Here you can see the church that's accompanying the monastery...'

'... and here you have a photo of the interior.'

'An interesting notion: all Segovians used to be Ku Klux Klan members.'

'Before we're done, we want to express our gratitude to all the people that helped us provide you with this footage. We'd like to especially thank LE and KP for their crucial contribution.'

'And that's all for today! Thank you, and good night!'

... was fun as hell.

Did you know that drinking in public is illegal in Spain? I mean, Spaniards sure don't know that. Ah, yeah! It's my birthday. That's always cool. Although, I do hate getting old. Don't you?

Yesterday morning I still thought that I'd be a good boy and that I'd go to an Erasmus party at 10 pm and leave after midnight, at around 1 am. That was the plan. Right. Then...

... I had Introduction to Bio-Engineering in the morning. After the class I spoke to a couple of my classmates and one of them invited me to Moncloa (a part of Madrid) at half past 11 in the evening. She told me that the Bio-Engineering students at UC3M had organized a get-together to get to know each other. All the 1st and 2nd year students were invited. Since these guys would be the ones I'll be (hopefully) spending most of my time with, I thought that 'what the hell - alright then!' And what was the outcome?

María, I hold you personally responsible for my headache!

(An extremely qualified neurologist told me that it's the lack of sleep that's making my head scream, not the alcohol...)

In Moncloa we (about 40 students in all) first sat on a platform by the metro station, drinking and socializing. Ah, yeah... People sang me the equivalent of the 'Happy Birthday' song TWO times! I tried my best to look like I wouldn't have liked to be the center of attention but the truth is, as many of you surely know, that being the center of attention is my main nutrition. I love it! Umm, I guess that's exactly the reason why I always advertise my posts in Facebook..? I dunno.

Anyways, at 3 am we finally started to drift ( vdrift = 0.015 m/s ) towards a disco! Great. I mean, I love dancing even though I look absolutely ridiculous while I wave and shake my hands and feet on the dance floor. Still I managed to spend three hours in the disco (I can't remember the name of the place) without people openly mocking my style, or the lack of it. In other words, we left at 6 am. I then accompanied a few others, and we took the metro back south (where Leganés is, for example).

Not a bad way to start being 22 years old. And maybe you could even say that I'm not too old yet, considering the way I use my spare time?

What do I mean by the title 'A Death of an Exchange Student - Sort of'? Well, you guessed it!

I spent last night in a club called Cocó. And then the details:

The party was organized by UC3M ESN (the Erasmus Student Network guys in UC3M). To get to the party I had to go to their office here at the Leganés campus. When I had bought the ticket, the guy who had sold it to me told me to come to Plaza del Rey (The King's Square in English) at 10 pm for some kind of a pre-party-thingie.

'Right, gotcha.'

So, I was there. I was actually there at 9.45 pm just to be there on time. I came a bit early because I had read from the UC3M ESN facebook page that the group who'd gather to the square would already leave at 10.15 pm.

'Bad mistake.'

I was getting a bit anxious when my watch was telling me that it was already 16 minutes past ten and I hadn't seen ANYONE who'd have looked like an exchange student. (What I actually saw was mainly gay couples making out on the benches of the plaza.) While I was waiting for anything to happen, a Spanish couple of about my age approached me. We spoke a while, mainly about where I was from, etc. They also asked whether I had any plans for the night. I told them that I was going to a discoteca (see, I know some Spanish) called Cocó. They laughed and told me that it's a gay disco! Right... The first disco that I'd go to in Spain would be a gay disco.

Finally, student-like people started pouring into the plaza. I soon found that I was ill-equipped for the occasion: I had nothing to drink with me! So, I had to join the 'Let's go and buy some beer' Task Force. After a few rounds around the surrounding blocks our TF had reached its goal. Mission accomplished. When we returned to the plaza I found out that we were going to stay there for a while. Why did I come early? I have to get rid of that exhausting habit.

'You're not in Finland, stupid.'

But, anyways. The people were nice. More than nice, let's say fabulous. Thanks for the evening. And I really was in need of someone to talk to because I haven't had too many conversations here in Madrid.

At around midnight we went to the disco. Well, actually we had to wait for about a century to get in. But hey, I'm not complaining because I was in good company. I won't go into detail about the disco itself because you can all more or less imagine what the place was like: light, music, alcohol, that sort of thingies. I stayed until 6 am and had to take a taxi to get home to Leganés. (See, I already called my flat my home!) I was soooo drunk, I'm telling you! It's a real wonder that the driver understood where I wanted to go to and even a greater wonder that I was able to climb the stairs up to my apartment. Although, when I woke up this morning I saw that I had been able to make a REAL mess of all my clothes and other basic, daily stuff: Everything was on the floor, gathered in heaps of all sizes. Great, way to go Jope.

And then I took a glimpse at my watch (which was on the floor, too). It was 3 o'clock. In other words, I had missed all my lectures today. Fantastic. On top of everything else, I had a major headache. I mean, on a scale from 1 to 10 the headache had to be at least 9.6. And I had nothing to ease the pain. At that point I could appreciate the fact that my parents are doctors and that they always maintain at least a half-decent medicine cabinet at home. (I was actually given pills to take with me to Madrid: something for diarrhea, allegy pills and antibiotics. But no painkillers!) So, I decided to sleep some more. When I finally woke up at 5 pm I understood that I had slept through the whole day. That's something I don't do every day. I can't actually remember any other day such as this. Wow, this exchange thing is amazing. I'm already experiencing new, wonderful stuff.

You know what? This day wouldn't have been all that important anyway. But tomorrow, on the other hand, IS a big day...  LP is coming to Madrid!

Yesterday I tried to connect to the secure, encrypted campus WiFi (eduroam) here in Leganés. There was something messing up my attempts to login, and so I was starting to get nervous: Would my life be a non-e-hell?

The answer is: NO! I got the secure campus WiFi (eduroam) working today! It worked just as you'd expect it to: just use that same universal username + password combination as everywhere else and you're ready to go! (Actually, there was a minor difference in the password. The network password has a limited length, and so I had to use a shortened version of my normal password. Anyway, that wasn't the problem yesterday because I figured that out almost immediately.) And now, here I am sitting inside the UC3M library and writing this blog post. So, I'll be able to stay in contact with all of you guys in Finland, for example. As hard as it may be to believe, that really is a major relief. :P

In other words, it turns out that I won't have to start offering the blood of young virgins to all sorts of different evil pagan gods to get the connection working. I'm sure some of the students here in Leganés can appreciate that.

Now it's time for me to send you some up-to-date, realistic pics of my apartment here in Madrid. Ok, so... Here we go!

First, I have to open about a dozen different types of locks to get inside my house. But that's fine by me because I hate robbers. And rubber ducks. When stepping inside the apartment you first enter a small entryway. From there you can either turn left to the kitchen or walk straight forward to the living room. Here's the first pic:

This is the view from my balcony to the front door.

I hate those cutesy, little thingies on the wall! I have to get rid of them. It's just a real bummer that I can't get rid of them COMPLETELY (as in burn 'em) because those damn pieces of decorative shit belong to my landlord... But, hey... At least I can throw them inside a closet. Here's another:



Same room, different viewpoint.

Ah, yeah. I already mentioned the kitchen. Here it is:



Here's the kitchen. It's nothing fancy, but I think I'll manage to warm up my frozen pizzas with this setup.


I know, this photo is very similar to one of the photos that I've put on display previously. But, I do have something I want to point out about the kitchen: There's no dishwasher! I hate doing the dishes, it's just plain boring. Maybe I could use paper plates and plastic utensils for 9 months? ... ok, let's move on.

Let's go to the balcony! Here's what we see:


First, let's take a glanze to the left...



... and then a  peek to the right.

 Not bad, aye? I even have a few clothes lines at the balcony, so I can dry my clothes. When it's not raining, that is.

I don't have too much to say about the two bedrooms so I'll just add the photos and be done with it:



The 'Master Bedroom' as seen from the door.



The Master Mushroom from next to the desk.



A pretty decent pic of the guest room.

I know the colors look horrible together. I'm working on it.

The nights are tough. They really are. I've noticed it in Finland too, but here in Spain it's definitely even harder. And no, I'm not talking about anything dirty: I'm talking about longing for LP. I know, I'm being a wuss and all that, but... I've grown to like sleeping together with my girl-friend. And now that I have to sleep all by myself, I find myself in front of my laptop at, say, 1:30 AM because I just can't relax and feel comfortable enough to sleep. Is it something to be ashamed of?

'... Yeap, it is. You're a wuss.''

At least there's always Skype. It really is a lifesaver. Anyways, I've just experienced my second day in Spain! [ISTANT RIMSHOT]

After breakfast, we (me, my mom and her husband) took a stroll: we headed to the Palacio Real (the Royal Palace in plain English):


The Palacio Real

 After a tour filled with about a hundred more-beautiful-than-J-Lo rooms filled with extravagant furniture, we continued our tour around Madrid. We took the metro ( a.k.a. the Underground or the Subway) to the Parque del Buen Retiro, or Retiro Park. It really is a must-see, I'm telling you. Here's a few pics:



A fancy fountain, right?



This is what my father calls 'the Duck Pond'.

Why don't people usually build their back yard gardens like this?

Right, now that I've made you guys envious as hell, we can continue with the story. After the park we took a look at the Botanical Garden which was a slight disappointment. Because of its run-of-the-mill appearance I don't have any photos of the place. Sorry.

Then it was time for the must-stuff. I mean, I had to register my courses here at UC3M, and to do that I had to go to Getafe. There's one of the UC3M campuses and about 150 000 people in the cozy satellite city. We took a train to get to Getafe. I have to tell you, the trains are superb: they accelerate incredibly smoothly, they're clean and fast. AND cheap. They are everything you could ever wish for. So, sell your house and start living in one of them. Now.

Um, yeah... Anyways, we got to Getafe in one piece. We even found the UC3M campus very easily because of all the gigantic signs saying 'Hey, dumb-ass! This way!' A few minutes after stepping out of the train I found myself in the middle of the campus asking a friendly, student-looking Spanish guy where I was supposed to go to. He told me to go to building number 10, first floor, rooms 30 and 31. And he even pointed me to the right direction. All in all, everything was going smootly, right?

Registration of courses: a question of life and death. If I got the courses that I wanted, everything would be fine. In other words, even if Earth was conquered by miniature space hamsters, I would be ok. There were about 10 people assisting the university newcomers in the Registration Room (RR). When I entered the RR I was greeted by a smile: a friendly Spaniard pointed me to sit beside him. 'Would you like me to assist you in English or Spanish?' he asked. I thought I was in HEAVEN: 'In English, of course... dumb-ass', I responded (more or less). After a few seconds the guy smiled and said something like: "Please, go to booth number 8." I was starting to get nervous. What's wrong? Oh, f...

There it was, number 8. I sat down in front of a brunette lady in her 30s. She told me that her English wasn't all too great and that's why she would be talking in Spanish. Oh, f..! This was my worst-case scenario: there was something wrong with my courses and I'd have to work my way out of the situation in SPANISH. Sounds bad.

... But it wasn't. I actually surprised myself: I spoke to the lady in Spanish and I even understood most of her mumbling! Haha! Thank you EP, I love you! (Don't get jealous my love 'cause I love you way more.) And then, the lady told me that there was nothing wrong: I had now been registered to all the courses that I had previously selected! Great.

Haha! You were hoping for something juicy, weren't you? Some kind of a 'everything is hell' story, right? Well, here's the thing: everything is fine, except for the constant longing for LP. But that's something only a high dose of amphetamine can cure and I don't do drugs when I'm not high.

This is it. I'm in Madrid. I'm scared and lonely, although my mom and her husband are here with me. But still, there's a bit of excitement in the air, too. You could even say that I'm starting to feel hopeful. Actually, I've more-or-less liked this city so far, really.

We're staying at the Hotel Praga in Madrid, room 4XX. The place is great, despite the construction site that's situated just outside the front doors. We even have a lovely view to a nearby apartment: this morning we noticed a very hairy madrileño doing his dishes without a single piece of clothing just a few meters away from our room window. Nice.

Now, the more interesting stuff. Yes, I've got an apartment! And it's great. I'll fill you in on the details later when I finally start living there. In other words, you'll just have to wait patiently for a few days. The owner is really great, too. And he even speaks English, thank God! The just one nagging little thing with the place: it's not possible to have an Internet connection, so I have to buy a 3G USB modem to be able to get online. Sounds cool, right? The downside is just that those thingies tend to be pricey. But, hey... Who cares? We're talking about an addict's access to his narcotic, for Christ's sake!

This is more or less the kind of email that I've been sending to millions after millions of possible landlords:

Hi,

I like your flat. At least there are no dead mice or cockroatches lying around in the pictures that you've sent me. That's always a huge plus.

Regards,

Jope

Do you like fishing? 'Cause I hate it. But still, when catching a fish, there's that one single moment of pure excitement at the very first moment you feel that long-awaited tug of your rod: 'Gotcha! ... damn, those fish are stupid..!'

Yeah, a stupid metaphor. But still, what I'm trying to tell you is that I think fortune has smiled upon me for the past week or so. Let me, once again, clarify by sharing my private sexmails:

1. MISSING! I've lost the first email that I sent to this email address! Sorry. But, hey. It was more or less like the previous example (see above).
2. This one was sent to me. (Jope <3 The English of Spaniards)

   Good morning JOPE.

   First of all, Thank you for your interest in my flat.

   The flat is a 4ª without lift but the stairs are very confortables to up.

   The flat is full equip and furnished. Has Two bedrooms. Has a lot of natural light.

   It is very close to the University, no more ten minutes walk..

   The price is XXX (haha, suckers!) + electricity + gas. The rest of the taxes are paid for me.

   The flat have been rend in other occasions to student of this University

   I can show the flat when you want.

   Are you going to study or work in the University?

   Thanks so much.

   If you have any cuestions, please don´t hesitate to ask me.

3. Then, it's my turn. Of course...

   Hi,
   
   I'd be very interested in taking a tour around the place! I'm going to the university as an exchange student. I'm going to study Biomedical Engineering.
   
   Is it possible to rent the place, say, from September to December? Then, we could possibly make a new contract after a few trial months?
   
   I'm coming to Madrid with my parents on the 31st of August. So, I'd be able to come and see the place on the 1st of September. Should we schedule an appointment? At 12 AM or 1 PM, for example?
   
   Please, could you send me the address of the apartment?
   
   Regards,
   
   Jope
   
   PS. This might sound strange, but... Um, what's your name?

4. ... Catch!

   Good morning JOPE,

   First of all, my name is MR. LANDLORD GUY, I’m sorry I should ought to tall you before.

   In Spain, not it is normal to rent a flat during a few months for trial, the normal is rent for 1 year, but in your case like you are a student, I could rent during University course (9-10 months).

   In any case I would like to show you the flat, because I have never had problem with the rent because when I have showed the flat, the person who looks at the first time he has wanted to rent, because it is a nice place. Believe me!!

   The flat always have been rent to students of the University Carlos III through “ALOJA Program”

   I have a great and nice relation with the University because my wife is University graduate by this University. We are serious and legal people and you will not have problems with us.

   When do you arrive to Madrid? I ask this because I will go to the holidays the first of September, but if I would not be able to show the flat, my sister in law will be the person in charge to show it.

   Don´t worry because she speaks English.

   The address of the flat is PLAZA DE APARTAMENTO,

   I forward a picture to you with a map from google map. Where inside of a yellow circle is the Campus of the University, and inside of a red circle and the letter A is the location of the flat. Like you can see it is very close. Also between them, you have the bus station to go to Madrid and comeback, each 5 minutes and during 24 hours.

   We will make a legal tenancy agreement and is mandatory to pay also one month as a deposit.

   I wait your mail, thanks so much.

   Regards.

5. Mr. Landlord Guy sent me some pretty smoking-hot photos of the flat. At this point, I almost knew this had to be something good:

   Hi again,
   
   Well, as far as I can tell, I'll be very similar to your previous tenants: I've liked all the photos that you've sent me, I like the location and even the price. So, in other words I feel that I'll be more than ready to rent the flat after seeing it.
   
   I will arrive in Madrid with my parents on the 31st of August, very late at night. So, the 1st of September is really the first possible day for me to come and have a look at the flat. I have a hotel room reserved until the 4th of September (Sunday, until noon). As I'm sure you understand, I'd appreciate it if I could come and see the place before Sunday the 4th. So, when would it be possible for you, or your sister in law, to show me the flat?
   
   In case that we end up closing the deal in September, would it be possible to pay the first rent + the deposit straight to your bank account? I mean, I'd hate to walk around carrying XXX euros in my pockets.
   
   Best Regards,
   
   Jope

6. I might actually get a CLEAN apartment! Read this:

   Good morning JOPE,
   
   
   Of course that you must visit the flat and then ……………….
   *... if you like it we will make a Contract.*....if you don´t like it, only say ....... thanks for your interest !!!!.
   
   
   I don´t have any problem that you pay me in my bank account.
   
   Would be possible to show the flat on the first of September at first time in the morning, 9:00 A.M.
   
   Nowadays, the flat is taken and will be free the last week of august.
   I hope to have a day off to clean and prepare it.
   
   When do you want to start to live in the flat? Do you come back to Finland the 4th of september?
   
   Where is your hotel? Is it in Leganes?
   I ask for give directions to you about to where we can meet.
   
   Regards.

7. My response:

   Hello again Mr. Landlord Guy,
   
   9 AM works fine for me. And actually, I guess it would be easier for me and my parents if we took a taxi from our hotel. At least in that way we can be fairly sure that we find the flat. So, we could meet somewhere close to the apartment? I won't go back to Finland before Christmas, so no: I'm not coming back here on the 4th, or the 5th. Instead, my studies at UC3M start on Monday the 5th.
   
   Regads,
   
   Jope

8. This next email was actually sent in a rather peculiar way. There was nothing in the email itself, but instead a PDF-file was attached to the email. This is what I found written in the file:

   Good morning JOPE,
   
   For me we can meet at University, or in the main gate of the AVENIDA MUY GRANDE wedding
   Restaurant (Avda. cerca del Apartamento) it is close to the BP petrol station
   
   I suppose that you are going to visit more flats.
   As I am going to go on holidays the first of September, when you decide if you want to rent the
   flat, my mother in law will meet with you and give you the keys.
   In that moment:
   * I prefer you pay in cash XXX e. and then by bank the rest.
   * I´ll need a copy of your Passport.
   
   When I´ll come back the fifteenth I ´ll visit you and signature the contract.
   
   Regards.

9. At this point you have to get a strong hold of the fish, grab a club and go for the kill:

   Hi,
   
   The restaurant works fine for me. It should be a relatively easy task for us both to spot each other there, right? I've added a photo of myself as an attachment to this email. (Could you do the same, by the way?) So, Thursday the 1st at 9 AM in front of the restaurant?
   
   Could you be prepared to sign a contract right away in case I'm willing to do so?
   
   I'll take the XXX euros and a copy of my passport with me, in any case.
   
   Regards,
   
   Jope

10. I got the photo! And some text, too:

    Hi, ......

    It is perfect for me.

    The contract is in spanish. It is a problem for you?

    I need your full name and the number of passport, for fill up the contract.

    Here enclose a contract where you can see the equipment and furnitures (appendix 1)

    Regards

11. Oh, f***..! Spanish! Despite my not-very-sunshine-filled first thoughts, I think I was able to rifle through the contract, thanks to none other than Google Translate! Then, a response:

    Hello again,
    
    The contract seems to be quite normal in almost all aspects. There was just one thing that I'd like you to correct:
    
    'El arrendamiento se establece por un plazo de 1 año, a contar desde el día 1 de septiembre de 2.011'
    
    As you know, I'm leaving Madrid in June 2012. I hope you are able to make modifications to the contract?
    
    Here's my name and passport number:
    
    Given names: Jope
    Surname: Six Million Dollar Man
    Nationality: Finland
    Passport no.: PUPPY666 (Umm, no: this is not an Internet nickname of mine.)
    
    Best regards,
    
    Jope

12. A quick response:

    Hi,

    .................... morning

    Here you are the contract , I have changed the dates.

    Don,t worry for anything. I have written 30 of june, but it,s only ilustrative.

    Regards.

13. Y por fin, la respuesta última en español:

    Hola,
    
    Muy bien! Entonces, nos vemos el 1º de septiembre a las 9 al lado del restaurante.
    
    Un abrazo
    
    Jope

     

Sorry. It really was my intention to bake just a teeny-weeny, oh-so-short posty pie. But I guess that wasn't really meant to be. Hey, instead of a few quickly read, interesting lines you got to read a GAZILLION lines about my recent endeavours.

Quantity beats quality, anytime. Right?

I encountered a fascinating website on the Internet the other day. Here it is: http://www.innovate.es/.

If you checked out the pages, you must have noticed the regular 'Contact Us' page on their website. If you want to see how an excellent housing agency contacts its customers, leave a (fake) contact request with your email address! I mean, it took them A FEW HOURS to respond! As you must have noticed, I have taken a habit of publicly showing my private emails here in my blog. So what? I'm going to continue being a stupid ass. So, here goes:

Ariving: 01/09/2011
Duration: 9 months, until the end of May 2012
Rooms required: 0-1
Budget: Up to about xxx euros (haha!)
Areas: Preferably in close proximity of or with excellent connections to Leganés

I'm going to study in Madrid as an exchange student during the next academic year and I'm looking for a place to stay close to the Leganés campus of Universidad Carlos III de Madrid. I'm hoping to find a place without roommates, because I need a place that's truly my own: a place to study and to relax. On top of that, as I will be an exchange student, I'd prefer to find a place that's fully equipped with all the usual necessities.

Jope

And the quicker-than-a-quickie response:

Hello Jope:

I think you are looking for accommodation in Madrid, we do not usually recomend to live in Leganes since it is boring and you are going to misss the flavor of Madri, what you can do  is to live in the south. I will be sending you some options

Kind regards
A Female Person

 And this is what happens when you try to reason with stupid customers:

Hi,

Thanks for your concern, but it just so happens that I can be quite boring myself, too.

I mean, I really am looking for accommodation in Leganés. I'd like to find a place in a neighborhood that's almost as safe, peaceful and quiet as can be. When I wish to find excitement and the flavor of Madrid, I won't mind having to take a bus or two. In other words, please try to stick to options that are in or very close to Leganés and the UC3M campus.

Thank you, really. I like Innova's businness strategy already.

Best regards,

Jope

I really AM boring... But hey, at least I'm stupid. That has to count for something, right?

Name: Surname Kalevi,  Jope

It is crucial for me to have a place to stay in one of the UC3M residence halls because I'm not a proficient Spanish speaker and it would be very difficult for me to find and live in any other apartment. Not being able to communicate affects almost every aspect of life, making everything seem difficult. I suspect that I'd be able to focus on my studies better if I didn't have to worry about where and how to buy food and do my laundry, for example. On top of that, I have the same problems that all other exchange students face: I don't have any furniture or other necessities available nor do I have any acquaintances in Spain. Living in close proximity of other students might help me adapt to life in Madrid.

My goodness, what a load of bull! (And, I know: it's not the most coherent text either...) Why didn't I just write like this?

Yeap, I'd like to live there with you guys. That would be a blast. 
And no: I don't do drugs. Or guys.

So much more to the point, eh? Well, I'll remember this the next time I'm writing a letter to an administration office of a student dorm, I guess...