The Six Million Dollar Man

I've been thinking about my life recently. I mean, really thinking, a lot. And you know what? I even reached a conclusion: there was something missing, so to speak. Something was making me less exciting and less of a man than usual. (Although, I'm not saying that I'd be very exciting or much of a man in general.) On top of that, there's that little something that I've been thinking about non-stop since moving to Spain. That had to stop. Or change, at the very least.

I visited my girlfriend in Portugal this weekend (30th 0f September - 3rd of October). And I had plans for the occasion, something besides trying a pastel de nata or seeing Belém. Some of you might not believe this, but there's a downside to everything, even MY plans. Once more I have to add a date to the 'list of dates that I have to remember for the rest of my life'. The date that I'm talking about is 1102011 - or the 1st of October 2011. But why is that?

Well, that's the day I got engaged to LP in Belém, Lisbon... That's right! I'm engaged.

I first thought that it would be hard to be the guy who proposes to a girl. But, I found it to be quite simple. Here's my advice to all you would-be-proposers: 'Just say something! You'll sound stupid anyway, so don't worry!' I guarantee it, it works. (Or it worked for me, at least.) I can also tell you, that you don't even need a ring! Don't get me wrong, though. It's not like LP wouldn't have a ring in her finger at this very moment because she does. But, I didn't fall on my left knee holding up a gazillion dollar ring in my hands as I proposed to her. No, no. I'm a Finn, remember? In my opinion loving someone shouldn't be about money, social status or even about fancy rings. (Please, feel free to disagree with me.) So, to emphasize my opinion (and because of my total lack of self-confidence), I felt better doing the proposing thing quite naturally, letting the words come out without forcing them in a very minimalistic fashion as we were walking towards the Belém Tower. Ha, it worked! And now I'm happy. I couldn't be happier. But, there is still one thing I have to do to get this engagement-thing all sorted out:

I still have to buy MYSELF a ring.

I guess this was to be expected and had to happen sooner or later: I've spent the whole weekend alone, at home. And when I say 'alone' I truly mean it. I haven't actually seen anyone. (Skyping with LP doesn't count...) But you know what? I loved it! I actually got some studying done, for example. I even started practicing my drumming again! Bringing a pair of drum sticks (which I got from my teacher, TS. Thanks, btw...) and my practice pad to Spain was a fabulous idea! You should hear me playing 'Connecticut Halftime'. I simply rock. (I do love myself, don't I?)

But, anyways... That's enough about my weekend. There wasn't all that much to tell, was there? But, there was actually still something else that I wanted to share with the rest of the world. And that something is called Marta. (Are you ok with me writing your name here? If not, just punch me or something.) The short version of the story would of course be something like this: Thanks, Marta. You're the best 'buddy' ever!

And then the rest of the story, starting with some brain acrobatics:

Exercise 1: If we presume that the two statements given below are true, what is the most obvious logical outcome deducible from these statements?

1. 'Jope is one lazy bastard.'
2. 'Jope doesn't speak Spanish.' (Ok this isn't EXACTLY true, I know. Still, I suck more or less.)

Answer:

1 & 2 => 'Jope ends up in a situation in which he needs to print at the campus but doesn't know how to do it.' AND 'Jope needs to buy a sort-of-a-student-card-thingie but doesn't know how to do it.'

(The path to this answer is omitted because of its obviousness and simplicity. You just have to take 1, divide it by Jope's IQ and divide 0 by the result. The result which is completely undefined can then be combined with toothpaste to yield the result given above.)

Umm... Sorry about that. I haven't eaten much today since it's Sunday and I have nothing in the fridge. That wouldn't be a problem in Finland but here in Spain it really is one. There's not a single shop open around here!

So, the thing is that Marta, in all her awesomeness, agreed to help me with the two aswers of exercise 1. Against all odds, all went actually quite smoothly. It only took us some two hours to overcome these two enormous obstacles that have been blocking my UC3M path. Wow, way to go Marta!

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'Oh, well... Back to cleaning, I guesses!' said Caspenar the Imp.

'Hello everyone! I bid you welcome to our studio, folks! It's, once again, time for the next episode of our ever-so-fantastic 'Jope has been to this place but you haven't TV show! So, without further ado, let's begin our quick photo tour!'

'Here you can see a... church: simple and elegant. (It's on sale on eBay for a mere 120 000 000 euros!)'

'As you enter the city itself, you notice a gargantuan structure rising before you. What you see is a Roman aqueduct, no less.'

'Here, in this photo we have the Main Square of Segovia. You can see the Cathedral, too.'

'A view inside the cathedral main hall.'

'This is a nice pic, ain't it? It's taken in an inner courtyard of the cathedral. '

'One of the altars in the cathedral. And yes, I do mean ONE OF, literally...'

'... and here's a monument of some sort?'

'Ah, the Alcázar.'

'The fortress really is a place with excellent views around Segovia.'

'Here's another example. (You can buy this photo as a postcard in every shop in Segovia.)'

'If you step outside the city walls, you can find some spectacular scenery, such as this.'

'An inner courtyard of a monastery. Might be chilly during the winter, right?'

'Here you can see the church that's accompanying the monastery...'

'... and here you have a photo of the interior.'

'An interesting notion: all Segovians used to be Ku Klux Klan members.'

'Before we're done, we want to express our gratitude to all the people that helped us provide you with this footage. We'd like to especially thank LE and KP for their crucial contribution.'

'And that's all for today! Thank you, and good night!'

... was fun as hell.

Did you know that drinking in public is illegal in Spain? I mean, Spaniards sure don't know that. Ah, yeah! It's my birthday. That's always cool. Although, I do hate getting old. Don't you?

Yesterday morning I still thought that I'd be a good boy and that I'd go to an Erasmus party at 10 pm and leave after midnight, at around 1 am. That was the plan. Right. Then...

... I had Introduction to Bio-Engineering in the morning. After the class I spoke to a couple of my classmates and one of them invited me to Moncloa (a part of Madrid) at half past 11 in the evening. She told me that the Bio-Engineering students at UC3M had organized a get-together to get to know each other. All the 1st and 2nd year students were invited. Since these guys would be the ones I'll be (hopefully) spending most of my time with, I thought that 'what the hell - alright then!' And what was the outcome?

María, I hold you personally responsible for my headache!

(An extremely qualified neurologist told me that it's the lack of sleep that's making my head scream, not the alcohol...)

In Moncloa we (about 40 students in all) first sat on a platform by the metro station, drinking and socializing. Ah, yeah... People sang me the equivalent of the 'Happy Birthday' song TWO times! I tried my best to look like I wouldn't have liked to be the center of attention but the truth is, as many of you surely know, that being the center of attention is my main nutrition. I love it! Umm, I guess that's exactly the reason why I always advertise my posts in Facebook..? I dunno.

Anyways, at 3 am we finally started to drift ( vdrift = 0.015 m/s ) towards a disco! Great. I mean, I love dancing even though I look absolutely ridiculous while I wave and shake my hands and feet on the dance floor. Still I managed to spend three hours in the disco (I can't remember the name of the place) without people openly mocking my style, or the lack of it. In other words, we left at 6 am. I then accompanied a few others, and we took the metro back south (where Leganés is, for example).

Not a bad way to start being 22 years old. And maybe you could even say that I'm not too old yet, considering the way I use my spare time?

I was visited? By whom..?

Yes! LP, of course!

Starting on Friday, the 9th of September, and until this morning, Wednesday the 14th, I was visited by my girlfriend, LP. (She's in Lisbon at the moment as an ERASMUS exchange student.) We had actually agreed, that I'd be the first of the two of us to fly to meet her, not the opposite. I'm glad that I got to meet her a bit earlier than we had previously planned because I've been missing her, a lot. I mean like... umm... I-haven't-slept-properly-in-two-weeks kind of a lot.

But, let's get started with the story. So, LP came to the Madrid airport at around 9.30 am last Friday. She was accompanied by two of her friends who seemed ok enough by me. (Don't get me wrong, I guess you're brilliant guys! I just mean that I didn't get to know you in depth.) We escorted LP's two friends close to their hostels and went first to see my place in Leganés. LP also wanted to ditch most of her stuff at my place, reasonable at the very least. After taking a tour around the neighbourhood  surrounding my place we took a bus + metro combination to Madrid to see the Royal Palace, etc. In the evening we met up with a good friend of LP's, a Mexican guy called henceforth LE. He came to our meeting point at the Callao metro station with a (female) former classmate of his, KP. LE and KP gave us an introduction to the city centre, although they haven't lived here any longer than me. Isn't that a bit sad? Nevertheless, thanks for the tour! I had a blast with you guys on Friday.

On Saturday we slept late, until 11 o'clock. Although the day was red hot, we decided to visit the zoo. It was a fantastic place, I can recommend the place to anyone who's at least 10% child at heart. I love zoos, of course, being at the intellectual level of a 4-year-old. As the weather was scorching, we felt absolutely drained after our three hour trip around the zoo. After the zoo we headed to the centre, to Calle de las Infantas. There we went to a tapas bar that LE and KP had recommended to us. We ordered a glass of beer (yes, in Spain beer is usually served in normal sized glasses) and a glass of wine (also served in a regular glass) but what we got was a whole meal! You have to love this 'tapas' culture! The meal cost us 4 euros, and not a single dime more.

On Sunday the four of us (LP, LE, KP and me) went to Toledo. If you bought a Lonely Planet travel guide on Spain you'd notice that the description of Toledo stands out from the text: it's a wonderful piece of medieval Spain, a monument of exquisite grandeur, or something. But it's not. Sorry to say it, but it's true. It's an old place with old stuff, more or less. It's not a complete piece-of-junk tourist attraction as it has a couple of interesting sights but... It's not otherworldly, either. Still, I have to tell you this. If you ever go to Toledo the mosque (Mezquita del Cristo de la Luz) is a MUST! It's, well, by far the most beautiful building I've ever seen.

Disclaimer: You noticed the sarcasm there in the end of the last paragraph, right?

On Monday I had classes to attend to. Bummer! Yeap, it's sad but no can do. Hey, we still went to have a lunch picnic in the Retiro Park. And you know what? I was kinda bad... I carved 'Jope <3 LP' on a tree trunk after our little picnic! I'm so EVIL, I know. Well, I do hope the tree survives my assault. But, anyways: now it's there. And it's all true, too.

On Tuesday, well... I had even MORE classes! So, LP decided to go and explore the city centre all by herself. I joined my dove and LE in the evening and we sat in the Plaza de España for a while. Then we walked to see the Banco de España, the Prado Museum and the Museum Reina Sofia. After our quite thorough tour of the tourist attractions on and around Gran Vía we went to the Atocha train station. Finally at 23.30 pm we took a bus to the airport since LP's flight back to Portugal left early this morning. We spent the night sleeping side-by-side on the airport floor. If you ever have to do the same, be sure to bring a lot of clothing! I mean, it was freezing! But, it was bearable: I got to spend some more time with LP, at least.

And now, my life has come to a standstill: I'll be leaving for Lisbon on the 30th. Until then, I guess I have to find something to do to keep myself preoccupied.

Umm, maybe I could write colossal blog posts?

What do I mean by the title 'A Death of an Exchange Student - Sort of'? Well, you guessed it!

I spent last night in a club called Cocó. And then the details:

The party was organized by UC3M ESN (the Erasmus Student Network guys in UC3M). To get to the party I had to go to their office here at the Leganés campus. When I had bought the ticket, the guy who had sold it to me told me to come to Plaza del Rey (The King's Square in English) at 10 pm for some kind of a pre-party-thingie.

'Right, gotcha.'

So, I was there. I was actually there at 9.45 pm just to be there on time. I came a bit early because I had read from the UC3M ESN facebook page that the group who'd gather to the square would already leave at 10.15 pm.

'Bad mistake.'

I was getting a bit anxious when my watch was telling me that it was already 16 minutes past ten and I hadn't seen ANYONE who'd have looked like an exchange student. (What I actually saw was mainly gay couples making out on the benches of the plaza.) While I was waiting for anything to happen, a Spanish couple of about my age approached me. We spoke a while, mainly about where I was from, etc. They also asked whether I had any plans for the night. I told them that I was going to a discoteca (see, I know some Spanish) called Cocó. They laughed and told me that it's a gay disco! Right... The first disco that I'd go to in Spain would be a gay disco.

Finally, student-like people started pouring into the plaza. I soon found that I was ill-equipped for the occasion: I had nothing to drink with me! So, I had to join the 'Let's go and buy some beer' Task Force. After a few rounds around the surrounding blocks our TF had reached its goal. Mission accomplished. When we returned to the plaza I found out that we were going to stay there for a while. Why did I come early? I have to get rid of that exhausting habit.

'You're not in Finland, stupid.'

But, anyways. The people were nice. More than nice, let's say fabulous. Thanks for the evening. And I really was in need of someone to talk to because I haven't had too many conversations here in Madrid.

At around midnight we went to the disco. Well, actually we had to wait for about a century to get in. But hey, I'm not complaining because I was in good company. I won't go into detail about the disco itself because you can all more or less imagine what the place was like: light, music, alcohol, that sort of thingies. I stayed until 6 am and had to take a taxi to get home to Leganés. (See, I already called my flat my home!) I was soooo drunk, I'm telling you! It's a real wonder that the driver understood where I wanted to go to and even a greater wonder that I was able to climb the stairs up to my apartment. Although, when I woke up this morning I saw that I had been able to make a REAL mess of all my clothes and other basic, daily stuff: Everything was on the floor, gathered in heaps of all sizes. Great, way to go Jope.

And then I took a glimpse at my watch (which was on the floor, too). It was 3 o'clock. In other words, I had missed all my lectures today. Fantastic. On top of everything else, I had a major headache. I mean, on a scale from 1 to 10 the headache had to be at least 9.6. And I had nothing to ease the pain. At that point I could appreciate the fact that my parents are doctors and that they always maintain at least a half-decent medicine cabinet at home. (I was actually given pills to take with me to Madrid: something for diarrhea, allegy pills and antibiotics. But no painkillers!) So, I decided to sleep some more. When I finally woke up at 5 pm I understood that I had slept through the whole day. That's something I don't do every day. I can't actually remember any other day such as this. Wow, this exchange thing is amazing. I'm already experiencing new, wonderful stuff.

You know what? This day wouldn't have been all that important anyway. But tomorrow, on the other hand, IS a big day...  LP is coming to Madrid!

I attended my first UC3M lecture/class today. Fantastic. I had my expectations set quite high because the campuses in Getafe and Leganes are fancy, modernish, and most of all big. I was expecting something like this:

One of the lecture halls in Aalto University, Espoo.

But, do you know why it's always worth it to be a pessimist?
- 'Cause a real pessimist never gets disappointed.

What do I mean by that? Let me explain in detail:

I was well prepared. I woke up at 7.30 am, did my morning thingies and prepared my bag. And then I checked that I really had everything I could possibly need for my first chemistry lesson, including tissue paper. And then... I re-checked my bag. And then I did it again, and again... So, I was all stressed up and ready to go. I left my flat at 8.30 am sharp, thus I was at the campus at 8.38 am (seconds rounded down). I had to ask for directions to find my way to the accursed building number 7, but all in all everything went more-or-less smoothly. I was waiting by the classroom door at 8.47 am. I felt a bit disappointed by the lack of students next to the classroom. I mean, I would have liked to make new friends, and all that...

Finally, at 9.02 am the teacher arrived and entered the classroom. I followed her. At about ten past nine the teacher started the lesson. It was all of the yeah-whatever-variety: schedules, email addresses, etc. But that was to be expected, really. It's always the same, isn't it? The curious thing was that... In the classroom, there were four people in total: the teacher, me and two other students (E and D)!

But hey, who cares? Some people say that having a private teacher is the most efficient way to learn. Right, EP?

Yesterday I tried to connect to the secure, encrypted campus WiFi (eduroam) here in Leganés. There was something messing up my attempts to login, and so I was starting to get nervous: Would my life be a non-e-hell?

The answer is: NO! I got the secure campus WiFi (eduroam) working today! It worked just as you'd expect it to: just use that same universal username + password combination as everywhere else and you're ready to go! (Actually, there was a minor difference in the password. The network password has a limited length, and so I had to use a shortened version of my normal password. Anyway, that wasn't the problem yesterday because I figured that out almost immediately.) And now, here I am sitting inside the UC3M library and writing this blog post. So, I'll be able to stay in contact with all of you guys in Finland, for example. As hard as it may be to believe, that really is a major relief. :P

In other words, it turns out that I won't have to start offering the blood of young virgins to all sorts of different evil pagan gods to get the connection working. I'm sure some of the students here in Leganés can appreciate that.

Now it's time for me to send you some up-to-date, realistic pics of my apartment here in Madrid. Ok, so... Here we go!

First, I have to open about a dozen different types of locks to get inside my house. But that's fine by me because I hate robbers. And rubber ducks. When stepping inside the apartment you first enter a small entryway. From there you can either turn left to the kitchen or walk straight forward to the living room. Here's the first pic:

This is the view from my balcony to the front door.

I hate those cutesy, little thingies on the wall! I have to get rid of them. It's just a real bummer that I can't get rid of them COMPLETELY (as in burn 'em) because those damn pieces of decorative shit belong to my landlord... But, hey... At least I can throw them inside a closet. Here's another:



Same room, different viewpoint.

Ah, yeah. I already mentioned the kitchen. Here it is:



Here's the kitchen. It's nothing fancy, but I think I'll manage to warm up my frozen pizzas with this setup.


I know, this photo is very similar to one of the photos that I've put on display previously. But, I do have something I want to point out about the kitchen: There's no dishwasher! I hate doing the dishes, it's just plain boring. Maybe I could use paper plates and plastic utensils for 9 months? ... ok, let's move on.

Let's go to the balcony! Here's what we see:


First, let's take a glanze to the left...



... and then a  peek to the right.

 Not bad, aye? I even have a few clothes lines at the balcony, so I can dry my clothes. When it's not raining, that is.

I don't have too much to say about the two bedrooms so I'll just add the photos and be done with it:



The 'Master Bedroom' as seen from the door.



The Master Mushroom from next to the desk.



A pretty decent pic of the guest room.

I know the colors look horrible together. I'm working on it.

The nights are tough. They really are. I've noticed it in Finland too, but here in Spain it's definitely even harder. And no, I'm not talking about anything dirty: I'm talking about longing for LP. I know, I'm being a wuss and all that, but... I've grown to like sleeping together with my girl-friend. And now that I have to sleep all by myself, I find myself in front of my laptop at, say, 1:30 AM because I just can't relax and feel comfortable enough to sleep. Is it something to be ashamed of?

'... Yeap, it is. You're a wuss.''

At least there's always Skype. It really is a lifesaver. Anyways, I've just experienced my second day in Spain! [ISTANT RIMSHOT]

After breakfast, we (me, my mom and her husband) took a stroll: we headed to the Palacio Real (the Royal Palace in plain English):


The Palacio Real

 After a tour filled with about a hundred more-beautiful-than-J-Lo rooms filled with extravagant furniture, we continued our tour around Madrid. We took the metro ( a.k.a. the Underground or the Subway) to the Parque del Buen Retiro, or Retiro Park. It really is a must-see, I'm telling you. Here's a few pics:



A fancy fountain, right?



This is what my father calls 'the Duck Pond'.

Why don't people usually build their back yard gardens like this?

Right, now that I've made you guys envious as hell, we can continue with the story. After the park we took a look at the Botanical Garden which was a slight disappointment. Because of its run-of-the-mill appearance I don't have any photos of the place. Sorry.

Then it was time for the must-stuff. I mean, I had to register my courses here at UC3M, and to do that I had to go to Getafe. There's one of the UC3M campuses and about 150 000 people in the cozy satellite city. We took a train to get to Getafe. I have to tell you, the trains are superb: they accelerate incredibly smoothly, they're clean and fast. AND cheap. They are everything you could ever wish for. So, sell your house and start living in one of them. Now.

Um, yeah... Anyways, we got to Getafe in one piece. We even found the UC3M campus very easily because of all the gigantic signs saying 'Hey, dumb-ass! This way!' A few minutes after stepping out of the train I found myself in the middle of the campus asking a friendly, student-looking Spanish guy where I was supposed to go to. He told me to go to building number 10, first floor, rooms 30 and 31. And he even pointed me to the right direction. All in all, everything was going smootly, right?

Registration of courses: a question of life and death. If I got the courses that I wanted, everything would be fine. In other words, even if Earth was conquered by miniature space hamsters, I would be ok. There were about 10 people assisting the university newcomers in the Registration Room (RR). When I entered the RR I was greeted by a smile: a friendly Spaniard pointed me to sit beside him. 'Would you like me to assist you in English or Spanish?' he asked. I thought I was in HEAVEN: 'In English, of course... dumb-ass', I responded (more or less). After a few seconds the guy smiled and said something like: "Please, go to booth number 8." I was starting to get nervous. What's wrong? Oh, f...

There it was, number 8. I sat down in front of a brunette lady in her 30s. She told me that her English wasn't all too great and that's why she would be talking in Spanish. Oh, f..! This was my worst-case scenario: there was something wrong with my courses and I'd have to work my way out of the situation in SPANISH. Sounds bad.

... But it wasn't. I actually surprised myself: I spoke to the lady in Spanish and I even understood most of her mumbling! Haha! Thank you EP, I love you! (Don't get jealous my love 'cause I love you way more.) And then, the lady told me that there was nothing wrong: I had now been registered to all the courses that I had previously selected! Great.

Haha! You were hoping for something juicy, weren't you? Some kind of a 'everything is hell' story, right? Well, here's the thing: everything is fine, except for the constant longing for LP. But that's something only a high dose of amphetamine can cure and I don't do drugs when I'm not high.

This is it. I'm in Madrid. I'm scared and lonely, although my mom and her husband are here with me. But still, there's a bit of excitement in the air, too. You could even say that I'm starting to feel hopeful. Actually, I've more-or-less liked this city so far, really.

We're staying at the Hotel Praga in Madrid, room 4XX. The place is great, despite the construction site that's situated just outside the front doors. We even have a lovely view to a nearby apartment: this morning we noticed a very hairy madrileño doing his dishes without a single piece of clothing just a few meters away from our room window. Nice.

Now, the more interesting stuff. Yes, I've got an apartment! And it's great. I'll fill you in on the details later when I finally start living there. In other words, you'll just have to wait patiently for a few days. The owner is really great, too. And he even speaks English, thank God! The just one nagging little thing with the place: it's not possible to have an Internet connection, so I have to buy a 3G USB modem to be able to get online. Sounds cool, right? The downside is just that those thingies tend to be pricey. But, hey... Who cares? We're talking about an addict's access to his narcotic, for Christ's sake!

This is more or less the kind of email that I've been sending to millions after millions of possible landlords:

Hi,

I like your flat. At least there are no dead mice or cockroatches lying around in the pictures that you've sent me. That's always a huge plus.

Regards,

Jope

Do you like fishing? 'Cause I hate it. But still, when catching a fish, there's that one single moment of pure excitement at the very first moment you feel that long-awaited tug of your rod: 'Gotcha! ... damn, those fish are stupid..!'

Yeah, a stupid metaphor. But still, what I'm trying to tell you is that I think fortune has smiled upon me for the past week or so. Let me, once again, clarify by sharing my private sexmails:

1. MISSING! I've lost the first email that I sent to this email address! Sorry. But, hey. It was more or less like the previous example (see above).
2. This one was sent to me. (Jope <3 The English of Spaniards)

   Good morning JOPE.

   First of all, Thank you for your interest in my flat.

   The flat is a 4ª without lift but the stairs are very confortables to up.

   The flat is full equip and furnished. Has Two bedrooms. Has a lot of natural light.

   It is very close to the University, no more ten minutes walk..

   The price is XXX (haha, suckers!) + electricity + gas. The rest of the taxes are paid for me.

   The flat have been rend in other occasions to student of this University

   I can show the flat when you want.

   Are you going to study or work in the University?

   Thanks so much.

   If you have any cuestions, please don´t hesitate to ask me.

3. Then, it's my turn. Of course...

   Hi,
   
   I'd be very interested in taking a tour around the place! I'm going to the university as an exchange student. I'm going to study Biomedical Engineering.
   
   Is it possible to rent the place, say, from September to December? Then, we could possibly make a new contract after a few trial months?
   
   I'm coming to Madrid with my parents on the 31st of August. So, I'd be able to come and see the place on the 1st of September. Should we schedule an appointment? At 12 AM or 1 PM, for example?
   
   Please, could you send me the address of the apartment?
   
   Regards,
   
   Jope
   
   PS. This might sound strange, but... Um, what's your name?

4. ... Catch!

   Good morning JOPE,

   First of all, my name is MR. LANDLORD GUY, I’m sorry I should ought to tall you before.

   In Spain, not it is normal to rent a flat during a few months for trial, the normal is rent for 1 year, but in your case like you are a student, I could rent during University course (9-10 months).

   In any case I would like to show you the flat, because I have never had problem with the rent because when I have showed the flat, the person who looks at the first time he has wanted to rent, because it is a nice place. Believe me!!

   The flat always have been rent to students of the University Carlos III through “ALOJA Program”

   I have a great and nice relation with the University because my wife is University graduate by this University. We are serious and legal people and you will not have problems with us.

   When do you arrive to Madrid? I ask this because I will go to the holidays the first of September, but if I would not be able to show the flat, my sister in law will be the person in charge to show it.

   Don´t worry because she speaks English.

   The address of the flat is PLAZA DE APARTAMENTO,

   I forward a picture to you with a map from google map. Where inside of a yellow circle is the Campus of the University, and inside of a red circle and the letter A is the location of the flat. Like you can see it is very close. Also between them, you have the bus station to go to Madrid and comeback, each 5 minutes and during 24 hours.

   We will make a legal tenancy agreement and is mandatory to pay also one month as a deposit.

   I wait your mail, thanks so much.

   Regards.

5. Mr. Landlord Guy sent me some pretty smoking-hot photos of the flat. At this point, I almost knew this had to be something good:

   Hi again,
   
   Well, as far as I can tell, I'll be very similar to your previous tenants: I've liked all the photos that you've sent me, I like the location and even the price. So, in other words I feel that I'll be more than ready to rent the flat after seeing it.
   
   I will arrive in Madrid with my parents on the 31st of August, very late at night. So, the 1st of September is really the first possible day for me to come and have a look at the flat. I have a hotel room reserved until the 4th of September (Sunday, until noon). As I'm sure you understand, I'd appreciate it if I could come and see the place before Sunday the 4th. So, when would it be possible for you, or your sister in law, to show me the flat?
   
   In case that we end up closing the deal in September, would it be possible to pay the first rent + the deposit straight to your bank account? I mean, I'd hate to walk around carrying XXX euros in my pockets.
   
   Best Regards,
   
   Jope

6. I might actually get a CLEAN apartment! Read this:

   Good morning JOPE,
   
   
   Of course that you must visit the flat and then ……………….
   *... if you like it we will make a Contract.*....if you don´t like it, only say ....... thanks for your interest !!!!.
   
   
   I don´t have any problem that you pay me in my bank account.
   
   Would be possible to show the flat on the first of September at first time in the morning, 9:00 A.M.
   
   Nowadays, the flat is taken and will be free the last week of august.
   I hope to have a day off to clean and prepare it.
   
   When do you want to start to live in the flat? Do you come back to Finland the 4th of september?
   
   Where is your hotel? Is it in Leganes?
   I ask for give directions to you about to where we can meet.
   
   Regards.

7. My response:

   Hello again Mr. Landlord Guy,
   
   9 AM works fine for me. And actually, I guess it would be easier for me and my parents if we took a taxi from our hotel. At least in that way we can be fairly sure that we find the flat. So, we could meet somewhere close to the apartment? I won't go back to Finland before Christmas, so no: I'm not coming back here on the 4th, or the 5th. Instead, my studies at UC3M start on Monday the 5th.
   
   Regads,
   
   Jope

8. This next email was actually sent in a rather peculiar way. There was nothing in the email itself, but instead a PDF-file was attached to the email. This is what I found written in the file:

   Good morning JOPE,
   
   For me we can meet at University, or in the main gate of the AVENIDA MUY GRANDE wedding
   Restaurant (Avda. cerca del Apartamento) it is close to the BP petrol station
   
   I suppose that you are going to visit more flats.
   As I am going to go on holidays the first of September, when you decide if you want to rent the
   flat, my mother in law will meet with you and give you the keys.
   In that moment:
   * I prefer you pay in cash XXX e. and then by bank the rest.
   * I´ll need a copy of your Passport.
   
   When I´ll come back the fifteenth I ´ll visit you and signature the contract.
   
   Regards.

9. At this point you have to get a strong hold of the fish, grab a club and go for the kill:

   Hi,
   
   The restaurant works fine for me. It should be a relatively easy task for us both to spot each other there, right? I've added a photo of myself as an attachment to this email. (Could you do the same, by the way?) So, Thursday the 1st at 9 AM in front of the restaurant?
   
   Could you be prepared to sign a contract right away in case I'm willing to do so?
   
   I'll take the XXX euros and a copy of my passport with me, in any case.
   
   Regards,
   
   Jope

10. I got the photo! And some text, too:

    Hi, ......

    It is perfect for me.

    The contract is in spanish. It is a problem for you?

    I need your full name and the number of passport, for fill up the contract.

    Here enclose a contract where you can see the equipment and furnitures (appendix 1)

    Regards

11. Oh, f***..! Spanish! Despite my not-very-sunshine-filled first thoughts, I think I was able to rifle through the contract, thanks to none other than Google Translate! Then, a response:

    Hello again,
    
    The contract seems to be quite normal in almost all aspects. There was just one thing that I'd like you to correct:
    
    'El arrendamiento se establece por un plazo de 1 año, a contar desde el día 1 de septiembre de 2.011'
    
    As you know, I'm leaving Madrid in June 2012. I hope you are able to make modifications to the contract?
    
    Here's my name and passport number:
    
    Given names: Jope
    Surname: Six Million Dollar Man
    Nationality: Finland
    Passport no.: PUPPY666 (Umm, no: this is not an Internet nickname of mine.)
    
    Best regards,
    
    Jope

12. A quick response:

    Hi,

    .................... morning

    Here you are the contract , I have changed the dates.

    Don,t worry for anything. I have written 30 of june, but it,s only ilustrative.

    Regards.

13. Y por fin, la respuesta última en español:

    Hola,
    
    Muy bien! Entonces, nos vemos el 1º de septiembre a las 9 al lado del restaurante.
    
    Un abrazo
    
    Jope

     

Sorry. It really was my intention to bake just a teeny-weeny, oh-so-short posty pie. But I guess that wasn't really meant to be. Hey, instead of a few quickly read, interesting lines you got to read a GAZILLION lines about my recent endeavours.

Quantity beats quality, anytime. Right?

... and that really is a load of bull.

That's right, it's bullshit. I'm telling you: never listen to a word of that crap. Let me explain myself with an example.

1. First, let's consider a case in which a (non-existent?) Finnish university student is going to move to Madrid. This Finnish student is naturally looking for an apartment, a place to live in. The student thinks that 'everyone speaks English nowadays!', and so he sends emails to various possible future landlords, all written in English. Oh my goodness! He's getting a bit nervous: he gets no responses! He says to himself that finding an apartment in Madrid is not possible, not even in his wildest dreams (which really are quite wild, I tell you...).
2. An then, let's consider the other side of the coin. What do you think would happen to a Finnish university student, who wrote his emails in his nearly indecipherable Spanish? Well, I do hope that you guessed right. 'Cause I happen to know for a fact, that such a student would be contacted within about 3-4 hours after sending his first Spanish-written emails.

So, is there a moral to this little fictive story of mine? Yes, and here it comes:

Kids, study languages and eat your veggies. Always.

- To my precious Spanish teacher EP, a.k.a Guapísima :P. You're wonderful. Luckily, I think you already know that.-

Now it really has struck me: going abroad isn't just a bed of roses. It has its downsides, too. You'll understand my meaning after you've read the following two verses. Below is my adaptation of the jazz-standard, Nature Boy:

Lucky Boy

There was a boy,
A very strange but funny boy,
They say he'd wander very far,
very far, over land and seas,
Never shy nor sad of eye,
but very sly,
was he.

Then came that day,
That magic day, you passed his way,
And while you spoke of many things,
fools and kings, this occurred to him,
The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
is just to love and be loved,
in return.

- To my sweet-heart and the love of my life, LP -

I encountered a fascinating website on the Internet the other day. Here it is: http://www.innovate.es/.

If you checked out the pages, you must have noticed the regular 'Contact Us' page on their website. If you want to see how an excellent housing agency contacts its customers, leave a (fake) contact request with your email address! I mean, it took them A FEW HOURS to respond! As you must have noticed, I have taken a habit of publicly showing my private emails here in my blog. So what? I'm going to continue being a stupid ass. So, here goes:

Ariving: 01/09/2011
Duration: 9 months, until the end of May 2012
Rooms required: 0-1
Budget: Up to about xxx euros (haha!)
Areas: Preferably in close proximity of or with excellent connections to Leganés

I'm going to study in Madrid as an exchange student during the next academic year and I'm looking for a place to stay close to the Leganés campus of Universidad Carlos III de Madrid. I'm hoping to find a place without roommates, because I need a place that's truly my own: a place to study and to relax. On top of that, as I will be an exchange student, I'd prefer to find a place that's fully equipped with all the usual necessities.

Jope

And the quicker-than-a-quickie response:

Hello Jope:

I think you are looking for accommodation in Madrid, we do not usually recomend to live in Leganes since it is boring and you are going to misss the flavor of Madri, what you can do  is to live in the south. I will be sending you some options

Kind regards
A Female Person

 And this is what happens when you try to reason with stupid customers:

Hi,

Thanks for your concern, but it just so happens that I can be quite boring myself, too.

I mean, I really am looking for accommodation in Leganés. I'd like to find a place in a neighborhood that's almost as safe, peaceful and quiet as can be. When I wish to find excitement and the flavor of Madrid, I won't mind having to take a bus or two. In other words, please try to stick to options that are in or very close to Leganés and the UC3M campus.

Thank you, really. I like Innova's businness strategy already.

Best regards,

Jope

I really AM boring... But hey, at least I'm stupid. That has to count for something, right?

Ahh, long time no see, eh?  I've been taking a breather from this 'blogging' thingie for a while but life goes forever on. Here's a little something that I've experienced in my absence. (Those of you whose eyes start to boil when reading too much can skip most of the e-mails and go straight to my analysis at the bottom of the post!)

First, a letter to the Administrative personnel of my preferred dorm:

Hi,

If it isn't too much of a trouble, I'd like to verify that I've sent you all the necessary documents for application (including proper documentation of my annual income). Please inform me as soon as possible if you find the papers that I've provided insufficient. I'll be more than happy to send you any additional information that you require.

Sincerely,

Jope

It's nice to know that my girlfriend doesn't like me for the money...

Hi again,

I'm a bit at a loss because I live alone. Who is it that I should include as a family member?

Sincerely,

Jope

Now, here's one of the toughest questions that I've encountered recently (and that's saying for something 'cause I work with the Schrödinger equation, etc.): What is a FAMILY UNIT? I mean for a guy, who lives with his girlfriend and whose parents are long-since divorced, what does it mean? I do like the final interpretation of the 'Person', but... It certainly isn't an obvious answer.

So, all in all I'm rather pleased with the way this all turned out. As the rent of the dorm rooms is progressive (you earn more, you pay more) I'm more than happy that my income of 2009 happened to be, well... Ok, I didn't have any!

The problem here was, of course, the hidden presumptions in the application  rules that every candidate would 1) be living on his/her own for the first time, and 2) be financially supported by their parents. And, as many of you likely know, neither of those two presumptions apply  to the average exchange student from Finland. (I do acknowledge the fact that my parents do help me a bit, yes... No worries troops, I haven't forgotten you!) I won't go into more details about Finnish financial aid for students. Those of you who are interested to find out more, visit Kela – The Social Insurance Institution of Finland.

Hi.

Yeah, hi. I, um... like my job? It's nice with all those chlorophylls and that sort of thingies. And pipettes and cooler-than-coke-measurements. I first thought that I'd share something about our achievements, but...

I mean, we encountered something pretty cool today. It's just a real bummer that I can't go revealing our results online. Damn. 'Cause I just KNOW there's a whole lot of you guys reading this little blog of mine, and we wouldn't want to see you guys resorting to petty plagiarism, right?

Ah, that's right! I have to mention this. I got my first '...when you'll take over this project after me...' comment from my instructor!

But, to keep this post short: our project rocks.

It's not a long e-mail, that's for sure. But I was certainly pleased to get this nevertheless.

Dear student,

You have been accepted as Erasmus student at UC3M. 
You will receive an email with information about next 

steps you need to follow.

Kind regards,
UC3M International Office

Things are starting to look certain. I like it.

Name: Surname Kalevi,  Jope

It is crucial for me to have a place to stay in one of the UC3M residence halls because I'm not a proficient Spanish speaker and it would be very difficult for me to find and live in any other apartment. Not being able to communicate affects almost every aspect of life, making everything seem difficult. I suspect that I'd be able to focus on my studies better if I didn't have to worry about where and how to buy food and do my laundry, for example. On top of that, I have the same problems that all other exchange students face: I don't have any furniture or other necessities available nor do I have any acquaintances in Spain. Living in close proximity of other students might help me adapt to life in Madrid.

My goodness, what a load of bull! (And, I know: it's not the most coherent text either...) Why didn't I just write like this?

Yeap, I'd like to live there with you guys. That would be a blast. 
And no: I don't do drugs. Or guys.

So much more to the point, eh? Well, I'll remember this the next time I'm writing a letter to an administration office of a student dorm, I guess...